Reflect, Self

I do not envy my collegues, who had to organise an online meet-up for the entire organisation to unwind and celebrate SAF Day 2020. Reflecting on that as a participant of an event led and facilitated by others, I think of the recent facilitation session last week led by some colleagues and I for our management. I wonder how they felt then. I know I was not having any of my boss’ speech, but perhaps there were others too who were tired of me.

In other news, it would appear I got promoted in my NS rank, again. I don’t know why. That said, I will just have to take it all in as the weight of potential responsibilities bears heavier with each additional stripe or crest.

November 8th

As always, the 2.4km run during the annual Individual Physical Proficiency Test always feels like the longest sub-twelve minutes of my life. I think I nursed a cough, and a feverish feeling, though the measurement came back to be only thirty-six degrees Celsius, throughout the run. Because the counting system was managed purely by a system, I was worried my push-up posture would not be detected, and result in no-counts. Thankfully, I managed enough to score some twenty-over points.

A six-day cycle ends, and some faces I’ll probably never meet again as their tour of duty has ended. That makes me melancholic. That reminds me I’ll never be able to reach that stage of relief because I’ll sooner hit the statutory age limit. But I’m contented as well, and grateful for this alternate life, for time away from my hectic life.

In the afternoon, I exchanged for some Bicentennial notes, and then in the evening, I got down to cooking dinner. Reality, and normalcy returns, and I am adjusting. Soon, the weekend will be over, and the grind will restart.

8/11

November 8th.

We end today. We end with a physical proficiency test in the morning, followed by a briefing.

I recall the end of exercise last year, when we returned to the built-up camp and slept back in our tent beds. That was some well-earned bliss. And in the blink of an eye, we were packing bags, waiting for the bus, and ready to leave it all behind.

We left it all behind.

After a short stint of rest and relax, we visited places both familiar, and new. Then it was the airport, where we discovered our luggage would be delayed due to insufficient carriage space. No matter, so long as we were not delayed. There was a slight prospect of having to return to camp to get the luggage, but some excellent service and strings were pulled along the way that ensured we were all treated with a free delivery of luggage to our homes.

And as the overseas exercise ended, we were fulfilled, we were ready to return to our way of life, and civilisation. The friendships and camaraderie would seem intense, and yet fade over time, but memories remained etched in all of us for the rest of time to come.

November 7th

Change of Command. That signifies the dawning of a new era. Life as we know it, changes. New leadership, new direction. But before that, a ceremony to celebrate the achievements of us, to celebrate the time we have put into the nation’s defence.

Five years is a long period of time to be with an organisation. For that, I got a medal. In my working career thus far, I’ve not yet had the chance to celebrate a five-year milestone. This medal is pretty ironic, but I accept it anyway.

In real time, I’m doing “planning” work. I’m also doing “planning” work in green. I used to carry a camera to take photos much when in university, as part of my co-curricular activities. In green, I was called upon to take photos of activities, of the celebrations. I must admit that that gave me a sense of purpose, beyond sitting around, and waiting for time to pass. I would like to idle too, but I like the idea of being busy, of contributing.

At the end of the day, I slept early and hydrated much because I felt the onset of illness, and needed to be in the best condition possible, before the physical proficiency test on Friday.

7/11

November 7th.

Today is the fifth of the sixth scheduled day. The last time we were close to the end, a year ago, it wasn’t quite as relaxed as this.

We had to displace at night. It was planned to be so under the full moon, for there to be as much light as possible. We were tired, we were alert. We were tired because we were on shift system, and nobody truly rests well when the world outside is bustling with fire. We had to be alert, because under the cover of the night, accidents were more likely. We did what we had to anyway. Under the starry sky, away from light pollution and all, we toiled, and rested.

I recall realising for the first time where I was: an open patch with tall grass and a knoll in the distance. We had arrived at night, and the day revealed brown, and gold hues all around. I recall the photo I took of last light then. Or was it first light?

When it was all over, and we prepped to head back to base, I felt nothing. Too tired to think, too elated that I’m heading home. Home is the camp that I had grown accustomed to for the last week. Home is faraway, back in Singapore.

November 6th

It took a whole day of work to produce forty-two empty cartridges, and earn a badge of honour, starting at six in the morning, all the way till seven-plus in the evening. Processes have improved, and instead of actually having to wait for the night to come, lights were dimmed to stimulate the lack of daylight.

Nobody really teaches the psychological toll of warfare. We know the drills, the motion, theories, and stimulate what we can. But some wars are fought face-to-face, and that feeling of looking at an enemy in the eye surely must be horrifying. Would the fight-or-flight instinct take over to propel one to end another’s life? Does violence come natural to human beings?

I hope some skills I pick up, I never have to apply them in this lifetime.

6/11

November 6th.

We moved out early in the morning. Packed all our stuff, loaded them up the vehicles, and lined up the motorcade for what was to be a five-day-four-night experience. I’m not sure, or remember that I did it before. In any case, we were all decked in green from head to toe, and even our faces were painted. Everything seems more real when you have painted faces, a line of heavy vehicles, and personal protection with you always.

I recall we set off, with eyes for the motorcade, and especially for the vehicle designated to be in front of us. No overtaking, and always keep up. I sat by the driver, with window pane up mostly to keep the sand out. The scarf would serve as another feeble layer of protection. We drove toward wilderness, and the unknown.

We arrived at a clearing, somewhat, with trees sparsely located. We set up shop for two nights, observed the necessary protocols, and got down to work. There was planning, and simulation of the exercise planned. Everything was out in the wild.

Today, I would be mostly in an air-conditioned environment, doing nothing simulated.

November 5th

Simulated world. The target ahead may be small, but is easily found through the 1.5x magnification. The simulated reality can be gamed. It is convenient. Reality, and the team mates whom you get, you make the best of.

Apparently, it is difficult to understand that if you belong to lane X, X being a positive integer value, you are supposed to aim for the X-th target from the left, as opposed to waiting for targets in lane X. But we try to explain, and make the best of, as our assumptions are challenged. In the end, the combined achievements of all matter. I hit my targets well, but simulated realities be simulations, and can only prepare so much for the actual event.

We started early, ended early, and was waiting for lunch at 11.30 in the morning, then the one o’clock bus, then dinner at five. All the time in between, we waited while others worked. Or worked while others waited.

In the evening, I left to catch a movie before returning to camp. Rest, and a relatively later wake-up time, in the absence of Morning Alarm, was much welcomed.

5/11

November 5th.

I remember now, that the first week was a mental challenge, though to be more accurate, both weeks were mental challenges. The first was waiting for the next, and knowing that the time overseas had only just begun, and we were all a long way, and time from home. The first was also knowing that the second was waiting, that we would have to spend four nights braving the elements. But I got used to the life, the faces around, and was accompanied by Adam Kay’s This is Going to Hurt for humour. Yes, I grew used to the faces, to seeing the same group of people walking around the small area we called home for two weeks, though I never quite knew who they were or where they were from.

Just how much resources did it take to move some two hundred over men, uproot them from their lives and routines, to Australia? One can only imagine.

In Australia, the days started early because daylight came early. This time in Singapore, the day starts early because some schedules be out of our controlbes well.

November 4th

The day started early, for some of us. I had never gone through the requisite training, and so I had to. Buffer time was built in, men stood in line and waited, and we danced a routine known by most male citizens as we each penned our names and signatures on an accounts book. It was a small price to pay for protecting the country.

Technical handling was easy enough. Trainers allowed us a certain level of flexibility, and our lessons and tests were done by ten thirty in the morning.

The rest of the day, we mostly waited.

Yes, there may be a more efficient use of time, but we pay prices to meet objectives. The time, and money, was already going to be spent, so what was done with it, was really immaterial. In any case, the day went well, and through a mass consensus, we decided to head home early.

Morning Alarm could not control its bowels, and let loose all around his pen. I think that strengthens the argument to keep him there for a while more. For a moment, I thought maybe it would have been better I stayed in camp. The house stank, and all windows had to be opened to fully ventilate the place. That also made me wish I had stayed in camp instead.

A Monday ends, and the rest of the week primed to begin.